2012 / 26 January

Whose Porn Is It? | Part one


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It all started with an innocent trip down to the video club to rent the movie “crash” for my mother,who wanted to see it after it was featured on Oprah. Somehow she cudnt watch it that day…which was the day before yesterday, so she decided to wait till the next day..which was yesterday… (keep up people keep up)…
Okay so its the next day and i see the movie case and the tape is nowhere to be found so i just assume its in the DVD… Big mistake…i tot maybe my uncles had qatched it the night before and left it there.(oh yes they watched sumthing all right…but it wasnt crash). So i pressed play and hurry off to get something to munch on before the movie starts. And then i hear the screams, it was my moms, it was almost deafening and am thinking… 
Only two things could produce such a scream feast….. a black cat secretly popped out of nowhere and suddenly turned into one of her sisters or she saw Paris Hilton’s on t.v again and turned into one of her sisters….darn it!!!!.so i hurry off to see what was wrong…i wasn’t prepared for what i saw…then and there i knew my mom would be scarred for life..she just kept screaming Hendrix! Hendrix!.. switch it off..switch it off…jesus! jesus!..and the ever popular “Chukwuabiamabiko (whatever it is she calls it)!!!!”… 
Which has diffrent meanings depending on the situation and am assuming this time it meant “WORRA F&%K IS THIS”….. she just kept screaming and made me even more confused….i was pressing the wrong remote control….it was crazy i finally just unplugged the DVD…. damn was she worn out….u would be if u were her age and saw what she saw.and u can be sure twasnt the teletubbies…. although id scream like that if i was made to watch the teletubbies and the remote control was out of my reach.. ..but thats a whole other show…
It was a PORN movie…and it wanst ur regular guy and girl porn movie..no it wasnt. that wud have been easier to swallow. (no pun intended).. it was two girls and a dildo….yesiree!!!…use ur freaking imagination..just dont get to the point where u start liking it. guys guys! its okay now….
Anyways she calms down and she’s like
Hendrix! so this is what ur watching in this house and am like
“who me?”
she’s like
“yes u”
and m like
“it cudnt be”
and she’s like
“then who”
one of ur perverted Brothers and Brother -in-law put the porn in the DVD…lol
ok m just kiddin…am like…i wasnt the one…i had nothing to do with the tape…i dont get down like dat..and she asks me to call my uncles… I already know the culprit, i found his secret stash some weeks back..but my momma dint raise no snitch…so the inquiry started..who owns that tape.
…Silence….
Everyone starts looking at each other…and i know am the most likely suspect..heaven knows why
..Everybody hates HENDRIX..
So am waiting for one of them to own up but, no one says anything.. And she’s getting pissed..
She’s like”after all the deliveranc e uv all gone for,, someone is still watchng this in my house?? Then the usual ”ur father must see this” and i know if i dnt act fast ill be going for deliverance for the rest of my life…and then i come up with this not so Briliant but briliant idea then. So am like “oh i remember ..mr Andrew (our driver). gave me the tape to dub a match some days back….i actually forget but i recognise the tape… and she gives me the do-u-think-i-was-born-yesterday-look. but that was my story and i was sticking with it…and my brothers backed me up on it…and shes like..no problem when the driver comes on monday we’ll ask him..we’ll get to the bottom of this..
Well, am afraid i just cost the poor driver his job. hopefully the culprits will figure out sumthing before monday….or else.and in big trouble.we all are.
*ps.* Sorry for the bad puntuation and all, i’m typing with ma phone *winks*
But seriously, Porn sucks..its gross i cant believe people watch it…! How do i know?? Well i just know…havnt watched it before i swear*coughs*liar*coughs…
ok only once..curiousity got the best of me..and it was GROSS…as i was saying porn is gross…but if u still feel like u need to watch it…hey go ahead..watever rocks ur boat..but pls.hide it properly pls….keep it away from plain view…keep it under ur mattress or sumthn…dont leave it lying around..or this could happen to u.
so till next time take care of ur self and each other…
jerry! jerry! jerry!
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