2012 / 29 January

The Relationship From Hell


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It’s either, am pregnant or someone is pregnant is for me because I have been craving some really odd meals at very odd times of the day. Like craving Pounded yam and Onugbu soup *Does that even exist?* by 8:00am and then craving Beans & Garri by 8:12am.
I don’t know what the problem is but I plan to figure it out.

Talking about craving, I’ve heard pregnant women crave/like the oddest things. I once heard about a certain woman whom during pregnancy discovered that she liked the smell of the toilet. So, most of the time; she will sit in the toilet to inhale her favourite smell of all times. Dear God, please let my wife’s pregnant craving be the hatred money.

Last night’s craving was Campus 4 road Akara, fried yam and plantain. I called an okada and headed off to Campus 4
I was jejely buying my Akara when the couple came. He wanted Akara and Yam but she wanted only plantain. He suggested that they buy few slices of yam and more plantain but she said, they should just get plantain and go. After few minutes of English speaking and a little pidgin, they ended up buying N150.000 plantain. He sacrificed his yam for her plantain and she wouldn’t even let him buy a piece for himself.

The event got me thinking about relationships and how much we are willing to give/do to make IT work.
I’ve been in all sorts of relationships *yelz! Axe my mummy* and have also witnessed different ones. Some good, some wonderful and some made in hell.
Recently, I heard about a relationship of 2 years that currently ended and the dude is planning a thanksgiving. He stays in Lagos while she lives in Abuja. During their 2 years relationship, she only slept in his house 3 times because she said she was not comfortable with the fact that he was staying in a single room, self contained.
He would buy her flight ticket from Abuja to Lagos and back, pay for hotel accommodation, Red cab and food. She was not really into the TFC/KFC things; she only loved food associated with countries such as Thailand, China et al.
On his visits to Abuja, he would also pay for a hotel because she stays with her parents.
She never PUSHED for them to use her hotel/flight/Red cab/feeding money to get a bigger apartment for him yet she was just not comfortable staying there.
The dude said he never believed that someone as pretty as her would ever date him so he was eager to do everything to satisfy her needs but I believe they were using his brain as Ludo board in China because that should be the only explanation.

There are tale signs of a Relationship from Hell

A relationship from hell will have you thinking that you always need to make an effort to please your partner. You will always make an excuse for your partner. If he fails to show up, you will say ‘Maybe his car broke down’. You are constantly NEVER relaxed because you do not want to do anything out of place.
How do you explain a relationship where you are constantly taking her and her roommates out every time you invite her out?
There are relationships that will force the man to keep borrowing to maintain the lifestyle of their partners. She wants to go on vacation 6 times in one year and her only contribution is “her availability”. Mbanu!!!

Some ladies behave like they are using their head as “wash hand bowl ” in restaurants in Enugu. They are so eager to marry that they are “trying” to make it work with the dude that only leaves the house 5:30pm everyday to play football and can tell you everything showing on E¡.
We all know when we are in an unhealthy relationship and in case you don’t know, if you are currently trying too hard to make it work, then you are probably in one.

I’m not saying you should not assist, satisfy or provide for your partner, do this only because you can afford to and not necessarily as a means to be accepted in a relationship.

I don’t know about you but I think life is too short to be eating only Plantain.

*shoutout to Mr NOBs Igwe!*

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