2013 / 27 March

When Trust is too much to ask for in a Relationship


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Modern cosmopolitan dating is one confusing trip to be on.

So, it’s no surprise why most people are opting to remain single, not necessarily by choice, but by a subconscious inability to put up with the socio-emotional shortcomings of cosmopolitan dating.

Recently, I’ve tried to drive through the boulevards(is that a word) of the female psyche to decipher some of the reasons why the bridge of emotional disconnect is getting wider by the minute, yet getting more and more battered by the motorists (or more aptly, lovers) who use and abuse that bridge.

When you’re dating, is it too much to ask your girlfriend not to spend the night with an ex boyfriend? Is it too much to ask your girlfriend not to lie to you about her whereabouts if as she claims, she’s up to no tricks…..at all?

Let me paint you a picture. I have been dating this girl for a while now(say..6months). We love each other, but recently that love is up for eviction. I was recently put in an awkward position by my girlfriend, Lu.

Like I said, we’ve been dating for about 6 months and are thinking of taking things a lot more seriously – now the issue we must confront is one of trust.

My girlfriend, Lu, leaves my apartment one afternoon at about 1:30 pm, informing me that she’s going to meet up with her “ex-lover” Jacob, to formally let him know that she had moved on, and was no longer interested in whatever they had in the past – to break up with him – let him down softly so to speak,

So i say “it’s okay, go for the meeting, but please be safe, and come back home on time”.
But then it’s nightfall already, about 8:30pm, Lu still hasn’t called or come home, so i call her, “hey babe, are you okay?”, and she responds, “yes I’m fine, I’m in the car with Jacob now, he’s dropping me off at jenny’s place”,

Jenny! I ponder for a bit, asking, “I thought you were gonna come home after meeting him, why the sudden need to go to jenny’s place – is she alright?”, and my girlfriend says, “she’s not feeling too fine, she called several times, so Jacob is just going to drop me off at her place, depending on how bad she’s feeling, I might spend the night at her place”,

Feeling for jenny, I say “it’s okay, but let me know how she’s feeling when you see her – give her my best regards, please”.

An hour later, i call her again, and say “hey, how’s jenny doing”, and my girlfriend says, “oh, I’m still with Jacob, we’re eating, afterwards, he’d drop me at jenny’s place”

Becoming suspicious, i say, “don’t you think it’s getting late already – I’m not comfortable with you hanging out with this dude late into the night, it’s almost 9:30pm and you’ve been with him since 1pm – anyway, just assure me you’re telling me the truth that there’s nothing amiss here”,

She gets all warm and fuzzy, “oh no, everything’s fine – he’s gonna drop me off at jenny’s place immediately after this meal, okay, you have nothing to worry about” then i retort, “so, you’re assuring me that you’re not spending the night out with this guy”, and she says, “I promise, dear, I can’t do such a thing to you”, i conclude the call by saying, “please call me as soon as you get to jenny’s place”.

But suspecting that she might give the same cliché excuse most unfaithful women use in their defense, “I wanted to call, but there was no airtime on my phone” – i transferred some airtime to her phone, just to cover all tracks. After exactly one hour – 10: 30pm now, i try to call her but she’s not picking – after a few rings, i gave up. 30 minutes later, he calls again, and she picks up, and launches into “oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t with my phone”,

so the now suspicious boyfriend asks “where are you?”, and she responds, “I’m at jenny’s place”.

So the guy says, “oh good. How is she feeling, please give her the phone, I’d like to say ‘get-well-soon’”, and the girlfriend says, “oh,I’m downstairs, jenny is upstairs, I’ll give her the phone when I go upstairs” and the guy pauses for a minute, before he adds, “is Jacob still there with you?”, and she admits, “yes”, the guy continues, “and he’s the reason you refused to pick my call – you know what, send me jenny’s number, I’ll call her myself”.

understanding that she’s been caught in a lie, but still trying to defend her immoral honour, “jay, don’t worry, I was just in the car with Jacob, he’s leaving soon” – the boyfriend seeing the lie clearly now, “you’ve been lying all this while,just admit you’re not at jenny’s place, and that you are spending the night with Jacob, at least, I’d know you’re not calling me stupid by wanting me to believe you’re not doing exactly what both you and I know you’re doing”

The truth unfolds, and she says, “jay, I’m sorry, I’m actually at Jacob’s but I’m not gonna screw him, trust me…I need this, please”

However, conversely, is it too much to ask your boyfriend to trust you while you spend the night in your ex-boyfriend’s house? In princesses defense, as she claims, Jacob isn’t actually an ex-boyfriend, but rather a friend with whom she occasionally had sex with. But in jay’s defense, he feels this Jacob guy has been described as a randy, horny toad that gets a boner each time an attractive female’s in sight.

So, the facts are: Princess told Jay that she was going to meet Jacob for a chat. princess changed her mind along the line and decided to spend the night at Jacob’s place. princess not wanting Jay to worry tells him a lie, saying she was going to crash at her girlfriend’s place. jay discovered the charade, and princess comes clean about her intention to spend the night at jacob’s place.

Now, princess wants jay to trust her, and believe that she didn’t screw Jacob that night.

The ultimate question is: is it too much for your girlfriend to ask for this sort of trust? And what would it take a boyfriend to give her that trust?

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry using MTN NIGERIA.
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