So I think I need to approach this new me as if nobody knows a thing about me. If you do, none of what I write about should surprise you. And if you don’t know me, well then everything should surprise you because of that assuming problem.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, I say what’s on my mind and most importantly I speak honestly on taboo subjects. You will either love that or hate that, but it will always be your own choice.
The taboo subject in question today, is….. MARRIAGE.
Something I don’t believe in, and never see myself actually doing (Dear Future wife, please keep reading). I think the reason most people get married is because they don’t have the patience to wait for the person they are meant to be with, and end up settling with some who checks the most amount of boxes. Please note…I said “most people”.
Now, enough of the fine print, let’s get into the meat of what I want to discuss.
For about a year now I have been commuting to work via the public buses.
There are several attractive girls that I travel with, and as every man in the world, I often think about them in others ways… fantasising as one does with mysterious attractive strangers.
Of course as with most fantasies, they rarely, if ever become anything more than that. If we are lucky we may catch the lift together and be forced into awkward silence, but that’s how it goes.
One day however, I took a leap of faith and actually spoke to one of these ladies (fortunately, she works in the same hospital as moi). We did indeed catch the bus together (through deliberate coincidental timing by me. I had to let about two people in before me. Leaving just two seats remaining. Hers and mine….. And did I mention that we were on the queue for about 1hour?
I’ve been wanting to ask her something for a while now, and then proceed to ask her what she did in the hospital because she was dressed so well…. (Lame right?). Her immediate response to that was
“Oh you’ve seen me before?”
Now if I was thinking on my feet, I would have come up with a smooth answer there and then to that, but all I could respond was…
She told me she worked as a nurse in the hospital. In our 15min journey we covered a multitude of subjects, in which I got the horrible news that she was married with a kid. I never bother to look if a has a ring on her finger because quite honestly I just simply don’t think to.
Disheartened but not dissuaded I continued to be my charming self. We ended our trip and I gave her my BBM pin she said her battery was low or something….. Ironically I haven’t seen her since then. Of course nothing will come of this, but if I see her again, I will be my same innocently flirtatious self. The achievement itself was that I had the guts to speak to her.
Now here’s the thing. I’m a 34 year old single guy. I’ve never had an intimate relationship with someone, I haven’t had an actual date in almost a decade (even the times I thought I was on a date, it was made clear to me by my female companion that it was just two friends hanging out).
I very rarely meet anyone who is genuinely interested in me for whatever reason. I’ve been in love probably 3 times in my life, but have felt rejection probably over 100 times.
The last time I kissed someone romantically was probably about 5 years ago, because well, that’s normally what you do before and after sex right?
What I’m saying is that my love life is non-existent, so when I find someone I am genuinely interested in, and feel any sort of feelings reciprocated, I give it the full college try. If there is interest on both ends I pursue it. However, if it’s made clear there is no interest, I move on out of respect.
Now that I’ve set the scene for you… let me tell you about this girl in my head I’m meant to be with and why some people are thinking it’s the most selfish thing I could ever do….