2013 / 7 September

Dear Future Wife | Letter VI


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DEAR FUTURE WIFE,

Its a boring Saturday Morning. I’m lying in my bed….doing absolutely nothing which to me is bliss..

Ok i am typing this, But i don’t get to lie in bed and do nothing a lot these days. I am mostly in BRT’S with someone’s armpit or ass in my face…. Or at the hospital with annoying Patients trying to make your life miserable!

Baba God do am for me this year ooo.. I need that car…

When did I get so busy and caught up? If i don’t set a reminder on my phone the things i would forget to do ehn!
I would never know the point where my life took this very “un-sexy” turn?

Gone are the lazing about doing nothing but savouring and basking in the smell of my fart and thinking weird quirky thoughts like ‘i wonder what sex with Beyonce would be like’ i am random like that.

The purpose of this letter “Future wife” is to tell you what I’ve been doing lately…like what most peeps my age and my mum especially will be doing.

I’ve been thinking about a whole lot about weddings lately!!

…oh oooh…

Hmmmn i never used to be the boy who thought about weddings, na not me. The whole plan was not to get married. But as you grow older and you realize your hands doesn’t quite cut it as a partner, it could give you an orgasm, but who would cuddle you (hopefully) as you lie in bed?

who will you wear matching Ankara with (of course i’d never do that i think)
who would giggle like a love struck school girl crushing on the buff quarter back at you..

Oh God if i must marry, it must be someone that makes me laugh and laugh at my jokes. That’ll so make me happy pls pls pls) …

But really I must confess right now that i find weddings extremely boring am sorry,
I don’t like going for weddings.

They just turn out to be carnivals with a whole bunch of people who you don’t even know or like…with plastered smiles on their faces when all they are really thinking is

‘When will this guy ask me what i want to eat’….or will this Chivita juice fit into my bag, damn! i shud have carried a bigger bag’

I read a post somewhere of someone getting married at a friggin cemetery!

Now I’m sure am not the only one who totally expected a reepy Gothic wedding with the bride wearing a black dress and the bridesmaids and grooms men dressed as ghouls…

Well it was nothing like that. Just classy, artsy, fun, crazy wedding ….with just a few people who seem to know what having fun is about.

I want a personal, stressful, memorable but beautiful wedding…

I know it’s the marriage that matters more but still a lovely wedding is not a bad thing.

I know i know….find wife first shey? Before u start to dey plan wedding. You think say na beans.

Which makes me wonder where the oniranu (no pun intended) is.

Probably somewhere right now…watching Keeping up with the Kardashians or Desperate house wife thinking to herself

…. oooH Lord, send me someone who is witty, and funny and 5 “9

Loves good music….Fair….loves to laugh n make me laugh…

slightly annoying and temperamental….extremely creative and quirky..

loves to sing loudly with earphones on with his not so amazing voice…..

and has pink lips (yeah I had to add that….it aint free)

Loves Arsenal, hates cooking but will cook if he has too…loves to cuddle, kiss… And likes novels..

Loves writing …who’s ambitious, impatient, nerdy….

willing to try out handcuffs…and sex positions such as the Italian chandelier……i saw that *yimu*……

*sigh* if she only knew i am here…..waiting…..impatiently

My geeky-sexy princess

Do u know the kind of thing of things i want to do with you….

We’d make funny videos of us doing silly not porn related or sex related or with a body part exposed….hmmmn… in*r.kelly’s* voice I WISH I WISH I WISH…..

Gosh what have i turned to….
I knew too much watching of ‘whose wedding is it anyway’ Engineered by my witty stubborn cousin would catch up with me someday…..*hiss*.

Well its Saturday Dear Future wife. And the countdown is still on.. Happy Married Life in advance

Your Future Husband
Hendrix

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