2014 / 6 February

Night Of A Thousand Terrifying Thoughts


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Crazy how I’m starting the year with a post like this. Well, to say the truth I write this with a mixed feeling…

 A mixed feeling in the sense that I’ve been on a terrible run of writers block and pathetically as it may sound, I’ve moaned and groaned for an inspiration in/of any form…

I think I got that inspiration on the 24th of January 2014…

Let me describe my hostel to you.
 

 I stay in what has been touted as “The most secured hostel” on my street. Secured in the sense that, from inception about 5 years ago, there’ve been trial and error breaking into her (No pun intended)

Looking out of my room window

           
              ……. So this particular day still sounds/looks like a dream to me.

I have never had a robbery experience before. Oh! Except this one time ago when I was still little. But I can’t remember it being as scary as this very day I’m writing to yawl about.

Still very fresh in my head, there’s a very loud thump on the door four rooms from mine. I jumped outta my bed thinking it was a dream. I peeped outside from my window, everywhere looking serene and pitch black except for the reflection coming from my room.

          I looked toward the reflection from my kitchen… NEPA has remembered us today.

I checked my phone’s time, it was exactly 3:15AM. I proceeded to my kitchen to take a sachet of water to calm my nerve down and there was the loud thump again!

   I dashed to my window and there’s the thump again. This time louder and was  Immediately followed by the words…

“WHO BE THAT!!”

Then,

“JESUS!”

Then,

“Bury your head! Oya bury am before I shoot!”

This was coming from the 3rd room before mine…

          I was shocked. I had died, gone to heaven and came back to my lifeless body crouched beside the window of my room…

“This can’t be robbers, I mean this is the safest hostel that year Na!” – A tiny voice in my head said.

“Are you mad?” Another voice said. “This is past 3 in the midnight, are you trying to say the rats playing ‘Police and Thief’ made those noises”

A third voice came along saying “There’s only one way to find out. Why not go to the ceiling”

Immediately, I snapped outta the trance…

Picked up a few of my ‘expensive valuables. My Laptop and My BlackBerry. Just then I realized that I had left my ‘Tablet’ with a neighbour. I died again.

so gonna miss you….. :'(


Mind you, all these happened in 196358941387milliseconds…

Getting to heaven the 2nd time and not being ‘ready’ I was sent back to earth to my lifeless body still standing at the same spot it left it the first time.

I dashed to my kitchen the ceiling was looking like a distance. I left there and went to my toilet locking the door behind me. It looked more inviting here…
 

            In a snap I got on top of the WC my head was now touching the ceiling. Quietly, I pressed my head against the ceiling and climbed up the ceiling as it gave way for my body.

Yup!

Once in the ceiling I left my room and started eavesdropping on neighbouring rooms around me to actually know WTF – (If you are under 18 and you are reading this, *you shouldn’t be reading my blog sef in the 1st place* but WTF is short form for WHERE’S THE FISH) – was going on and in the process, I heard another big thump!

It was the room before mine!!

I almost died for the 3rd time but remembering I was chased back to earth on the previous, it would be a dreadful thing if I’m finally allowed in only for my body to be in the ‘wrongest’ (excuse the typo used) place – My Ceiling

I made a run for it. Tripping along the wires on the ceiling that had over 220VOLTS of electricity running through them. To make matters worse, I couldn’t locate my room anymore not to talk of the hole which I created to gain access to the ceiling…
I was confused.

I took for the first time a full second to get a hold of myself before I finally located the hole.

Quickly I was back once again in my toilet.

I moved to the room, made my bed so as to make it look like no one was in the room. Arranged some few things to make it look convincing.

I lay down beside my bed making sure that I was completely obscure from any prying eye that might look through the window.

I started muttering behind my breath for forgiveness from God. I believe the words were…

“Baba Forgive Me for My Wrongs” or something of that sort.

If I counted correctly, I said those exacts words repeatedly under my breath over a million time. Just then I felt my door being touch… More like a knock. Then I felt my curtain being raised…

I couldn’t help it. I made a mental calculation of what my blood pressure would read at that point. My systolic blood pressure was at 158 mm-Hg. And my diastolic blood pressure 99 mmHg. In fact, I had a heart rate of 80 beats per minute

Well this time, (No I didn’t die) I fainted…

Then I was rocked back to life when I heard the robber say…

“E be like say this one no dey house”

My heart leapt and danced for joy. My plan worked!! But like how the after effect of alcohol acts on the body, I remembered my Tablet in my neighbours’… I was stoned!

Slowly, everybody started coming out of their rooms. I was the first to come out. At this point, I didn’t care. I needed to know the fate of my Tab.

On getting out of my room, I saw the moody face of my friend in which I had left the Tab was. I almost cried!

  1. – My Pictures,
  2. – My Videos,
  3. – My Documents
  4. – Oh No!


He started telling me stories of how he had forgotten my tab was in his room and it was after he had gone to hide his phone and was coming back to the room that he sighted it and by then the robber were already in his room, gun cocked and pointing toward his direction.

*Sigh*


About five minutes later, the police were in the hostel. They asked we that had our stuffs taken should come report the case to them at their station.

I was having none of that crap!

 Hopefully, I’ll be given a better one on Valentine’s Day. 😀
OH! In other news  i am having the best Garri as I’m typing this right now😀
Contained therein: Garium (also known as Garri), Milk, Cocoa, Groundnut, Water 😀

*Cheers*






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