2014 / 13 April

> Dateline: April 25th 1992 3:27am


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> Dateline: April 25th 1992 3:27am

> A hospital in ketu (though I tell people it was jand sha..)

> Doctor: “Push ma’am, Push, just a little harder…I can see d head, yes PUSH!!

> Lady: mmmhhhmm… what do you think I’m doing you punk?! Pulling?? Mmhhmm

> Man: Honey, you can do it! YES YOU CAN…

( OH! you thought Obama was the first to use this line? ( ˘˘̯) )

> “…Just a lil’ more boo..!! PUSH!!”

> Lady: mmhhmmm… One more word out of you and I swear next time, you’re the one going to be screaming while the Dentist PULLS out teeth from your mangled mouth.. mmhmmm!!!

> Doctor: It’s coming… It’s coming…. c’mon…

> Man: Yes!!! Yes!!! Ye… (hushes up as lady turns to look at him)

> Lady: mtscheew!! Bunch of sissy’s, now stealing my lines…mmhmmm!!!

*SILENCE!!! ( NEPA takes light)*

> Doctor: it’s a BOY…!!!

> Man: isn’t he supposed to come out crying?

> Lady: Hello? Can someone please cut this line thingy?

> Child: (looks around) *sighs* “jeez! NEPA?!! I’ve been scammed, this isn’t jand!”

*************************************************

Yeah, the above is the story of my birth as witnessed by me while coming outta the womb,

( whaddyu mean “it’s a lie”, were you there? Was it your mother’s womb? )

Ehen jare, as I was saying…I’ve always been a crème kid (thanks to the constant flooding of my embryo dwelling with cream, u get?)…

… And u can’t blame my shock and surprise when I came out and was greeted by immediate power outtage.

Ah ahn! As in, shock did not allow me cry sef and they were all staring at me waiting for me to cry, couldn’t they see (pun intended) that a more devastating thing had just occurred?

NEPA: Keeping candle makers in business since 1960!! Smh…

So; born, bred and buttered in lagos; Nigeria, life had to go on.

Don’t be scared, this isn’t an autobiography on me, Wole Soyinka is working on that as you read. This is just a pause and an opportunity to look back and be thankful for some certain things in me life….

Life they say is short, no wonder MI is living it to the fullest.

Barely one week away from now (25th April) is my birthday,. Yaaay!!

I’ve had lots of them in the past (obviously) and every one of them provides me with d opportunity to plan ahead, receive gifts, have fun and hangout with those I love..

This time though, for the sake of posterity I’ve decided to also look back and find some things to be thankful for and of course, share it with ya’ll. So indulge me will ya…

First of all ( go down low 😀 ) I’m thankful…

• For my parents doing the deed.. I’m sure it happened while they were celebrating my dad’s birthday.
I’ve done my calculations and it all adds up!…if they didn’t do when they did, maybe I won’t have been the lucky sperm. Nice one Dad! 😉

• For my mum who carried me about safely for 9 months without shame or gra gra…also cos she ate well and healthy, if not I would have come out looking like TerryG…drugged from the womb

• For the Doctor and Nurses at the hospital in Alapere (Ketu) who administered the right care. Although, I really won’t have minded an AC tight room with DSTV for my first night on earth, is that too much to ask?

• For my uncles and aunt living in the house then who did not decide to throw me into a pit like joseph out of jealousy…They nurtured me till I was 4 before moving out. Leaving me at the mercy of Iya Bashiru kids next door as playmates,
Thanks to my folks who refused me the opportunity to run round the street with my rainbow pant chasing tyre… I somehow managed to stay posh.

• For the people responsible for suggesting and giving me names during my naming ceremony…I’ve got 2 lovely names by the way, Thank God none is Morufu, Testimony, Akpohwowo or such..you guys chose well. Thank you.

• For the many house girls we had then.. All I want to say now is; every human anatomy I know, I owe it to you guys. THIS IS A SPECIAL DEDICATION 🙂

• For my primary and secondary school days…the fact that I always came 1st (yeske dis is not a faboo) …helped grow my confidence…i stopped coming 1st when I entered JSS 1 sha but my kids don’t have to know that, do they?

• For my first girlfriend ‘Obasa’ (in blessed memories) in primary 1… then Damilola who gave me a shoulder to cry on then later stole my heart. she taught me how to prove love- I always ate the remnants of sharpened pencil just for her and chalk was my mouth’s best friend, we broke up when I entered primary 6. Longest relationship I’ve had. *sigh*

• For my third girlfriend ‘Tosin’ in Jss 2 who was my seat mate, we always played the “what is under my uniform game” …
Ehen, why are you looking at me like that? Didn’t you play it too? See pot calling brand new kettle black!

• For my Present Girlfriend… Please don’t break my heart.. (Unfortunately, she did some few days after writing this))

• For all the peeps that made my name trend in delsu.. I’m glad y’ll did

• For my friends down the years, some have stayed, others have strayed but facebook has an annoying way of making them find you..they will now be trying to famz again.. mtschheeeww..

• For Obasanjo, thanx so much for bringing GSM to Nigeria and saving me from the hassles of NITEL cards and phone tapping- everytime my parents locked the phone to stop us from calling…ya’ll did that stuff too abi? Buhahaha… criminals!!!

• For all my GSM phones that kept me in contact with the world starting with my Sagem Mc920 – Nokia 3310-Motorola Talkabout-Samsung R220 (bluescreen)-Telital-Motorola V50-Nokia 6600 (my first coloured screen camera phone)-Sony Ericsson-Nokia 5300-Nokia n73-China TV phone (hehehe)-Nokia E71- Nokia x2-01 one pencil like samsung like that Nokia 5330 (dstv)-BB. Samsung Galaxy S2

Lets play a game shall we? Try and list out all the phones you’ve used in d comments area after commenting o!!!

• For my other gadgets; especially the Asus TF300.. I’m sorry I allowed those stupid robbers take you. But you won’t blame me for choosing my life over you na..

• For cybercafés and the Internet that have now almost put NIPOST out of biz, what’s NIPOST? Kai!! Some of you have NEVER even been to the post office in your life…smh.

Cybercafés that extorted us to open email addresses ₦200 to open e-mail a/c WTF??? (What’s that for?),..

What did we do in cafes in those days sef? ₦250/hour to browse and chat with white people we don’t know and we will be feeling cool with ourselves. shior!!… see why im thankful?

• For Hi5 and facebook: my first social network experience responsible for reconnecting me with almost extinct friends from the past, seeing how far they’ve come, the singles, married and knocked up.

Really though, no matter how we might all ‘HATE’ Facebook now, we cannot ignore the days of humble beginnings, the days when FB was the air we breathe, when we felt on top of the world whenever we paste a ‘smart’ quote and we get 70 comments; most of which are our own back and forth discussions…

FaceBook was our home, our drug, we sought for cheats to ensure we were always online, the blue and white interface brought undescribed joy to our days but all of a sudden, we can’t seem to ignore the abundant GBAGAUNS and meaningless chatter that goes on there nowadays..inboxes full of love letters of EPIC confusion…

• And that brings me to Twitter, I’m thankful that there is a getaway called twitter (though I wonder how long before we all get tired of it or it gets infiltrated by FB peeps). Well for now, im so grateful cos here, I’ve met and I have the most wonderful family n friends. I can’t mention handles cos i might leave some folks out, you guys are the bomb,

• Lastly but not lastly…(go figure),

I wanna thank God for the gift of life and another year, I don’t just wanna MAKE IT COUNT, at the end, I wanna COUNT what I MADE of IT.

My birthday’s on the 25th of April peeps, feel free to DM credit, BBM credit, SMS credit, just gimme some friggin’ credit so that the ministry can keep moving!

You know how you make a note of certain things you need in your life hoping that someday you’ll make enough money to get them, well, I have that sort of list and here they are.

1. The Ipad.
Yes, I don’t have the Ipad yet but then I bought a case last year just because the bible said we should have faith. This was me having faith

2. The Mac Book pro 15. (Sorted)

For some reason I’ve always wanted the Mac Book but then someone has decided to take this off my list, so I guess this is also kinda sorted.

3. Beats by Dre Solo HD Red Special Edition.
I know that Red is a lil loud but I kinda like things with “HD” and “Special Edition” attached to it.

4. Rolex 2011 Submariner
It’s still very much open and you can get eet for me.

5. Range Rover Evoque- Coupe Prestige
This car does not let me sleep at all and I don’t even want to sleep until I get one.

6.The Others
The others represent those things that I did not put up here but won’t be eager to turn down.
So, let’s say I don’t really have a long list. Please feel free to send “The Others”.

I really have to move forward from last year so that I can stop updating you lot in the past considering that this is a New Year.

TO GOD BE THE GLORY

*Sips coke*

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