Dear future wife,
Hey love! been a while.. How’ you been? This time, I was so convinced I had met you, I stopped
writing you writing generally. Who would have known I could tolerate someone like this that long?
I’m so sorry, I got distracted by someone I thought was you and ended up spending these last years with who turned out to be the laziest, self centred, and egocentric person I have ever met and honestly , I thought it was glaring but I was too blinded by what I thought was LOVE and wanted to do everything to make you happy… The worst mistake i ever made.
( Signs I am getting ready for you.)
It was like I could fly. I never have felt this way with the other girls I’ve been with. It felt to me like i would have given my life for hers if it meant I don’t disappoint her. I would stay with her no matter what the circumstances. And to be honest, currently I feel like I never will again for another girl.
Fusing together was like fish to water, our relationship was bliss. We were so connected; she could understand me without even saying a word. She was all I wanted, she met all my specifications. We did practically everything together. She was so perfect. She could look into my eyes and tell me what I was thinking.
Every girl I came across looked like her. I treated her and gave her 100% daily. Everyone who met us said we look and acted perfect for each other… that we should have kids together… that we were like two models…. that I treated her how every woman should be treated… it was a daily thing for us scarily… We were tagged #RelationshipGoals… everyone, all our friends and family thought that… except her.
My first thought (again) was because I gave her so much love so fast I couldn’t help it, smothering her for attention… she was pushed into a corner as the girl before her… maybe I was selfish and shouldn’t have courted her with all my heart.. I didn’t care, it just clicked and kept clicking for almost 3 years.
We had planned the perfect wedding and honeymoon scenarios countless times complete with all her favourite colours and none of mine. We dealt with hard times and the best of times. Even though we would disagree every once in a while, I never stopped showing her love not once..
I gave her my heart and all that I had. All she did in the end was throw it all away and turned a white soul into a black one.
There’s always a take away from every bad relationship one has had and this one didn’t have any. When you fall in love you have to be transparent and that’s how it works out. I felt it was more of one way and like I was in a dream.
Up till the moment of our breakup, she still had intentions of extracting favours from me. She knew I was selfless like that – she played me. This time, she couldn’t look me in the eye when I asked if she was breaking up with me for someone else. She broke my trust.
I gave a lot, lost a lot and gained nothing.
While physical pain heals, mental scars hurt even after years of rehab. Now I wish I had never met her and that maybe the trumpet would have sounded that day to avoid our meeting.
“As strange as this may sound… Women do not want you to show them too much affection. It seems like the logical thing to do, yes. You love someone, therefore you express that love, right? Wrong. Yes, you have to express your love and make your woman feel appreciated to a certain extent. But you can’t go too far with it.
If your woman feels that you are putting TOO MUCH effort into the relationship, she will begin to lose attraction for you. It is important that you give her space, and devote more time to yourself. This will make you more attractive in her eyes, and raise her respect for you.”
These where the exact words my mum said to me when she found out that the first girl I introduced to her as my girlfriend broke up with me.
This is new to me. I thought the last girl was an idiot, but this was my trademark. I never put anybody above me in the past. I wanted this to be different. I wanted to give her assurance that I wouldn’t break her heart.
So I showered her with all the love I could muster out of me. Now I feel like I’ve lost everything because now, I hate being touched, it reminds me of the way she held me, made me feel safe.
I can’t stand rain, because it would remind me of that moment when we had kissed under one, and I cannot listen to the songs she used to sing to me because I felt loved when she did, and now that love is no longer there.
Nothing could hold my heart together after that. I fell apart and all I could do is throw my hood over my head so that only the hot tears of pain could roll down my cheeks. She ruined me and I’m still the one apologizing.
I want you to promise me that when you feel like I’m doing too much or pushing you to a corner you’d let me know in tine instead of taking it all for granted.
I also want you to promise me when we meet that you’ll tolerate me whichever way I present myself to you. I might be a jerk to you because my heart has been broken way too many times. Do note though, I still have good in me and with time, I’ll come around and give you all the love you need.
I know it’s a cruel world and you’ve probably had your heart broken in worse ways than mine – “Men are scum”. It can be frustrating and sometimes annoying, when one falls over and over again, but the goal, the medal, the opportunity at the end is greater then the pain of the present!
We have stood our ground and made it apparent that we are selective in our wait for our future spouse. So I tell you the race we run isn’t for the short run, but for the long haul.
The 1st weekend in the month of love, 2017 was the weekend I lost love. Valentine is ruined for me definitely so I won’t forget last weekend in a hurry. Today’s Monday, a new week and a new chapter, This time, I really thought I found you.
See you soon.