Yes! This one word has wrecked so many potential futures monetarily, relationship-ly, intimately and otherwise.

So Vals day is here again and if you’re a guy, you would agree with me that this is the one day we wish NEVER existed on the calendar!

I’m Lying? See this guy o!

Ok because you don dey touch small money now abi, wait first naw, shebi dis is ur first official valentine..

e go soon over u!!

Seriously though 99% of us guys hate VALS day! Its not because of the money to be spent,(LIE!!!) Its just has a semblance of a well crafted SCAM that benefits the lady folk..

Ok, ladies before you chop my head off, I know you also do some ‘giving’ on the day BUT you only give when you’re sure that we are giving or have given…

Alright, let me personalize this.. I HATE VALS DAY!!!

*** DISCLAIMER: All views from this point on are strictly mine, your boyfriend did not ping me to ask me to do this so please don’t crucify him for sending you the link to this post.

At the same time, if you are a lady or potential chic that is falling for me, don’t let this post change your mind- its all fiction, this is emmm..

Just for laughs ok? Thanks for understanding!

Before u start thinking I’m just a selfish stingy SOB, take a walk in my shoes a bit will ya? ***

My grouse with vals day has nothing to do with the spending(who am I kidding?), It ranges from the awkward display of ‘love’ that you see to the annoying hike up of prices of almost everything.

It totally irks me when I come out of my house on feb 14th and everywhere you go, people are dressed up in red like ‘aiye-lala’ loyalists: as in red shirt, red shoes, all red errthings.

So because they said that ‘love is in the air’, it now means that we should not see road again abi?

Then all these aiyelala people all seem to be headed to the same place: either an eatery, restaurant , cinema or joint..

First of all, your foodstuff has finished at home abi? Rice and shicken that you ate on new years day here (bad as e bad), then to one cinema with 1000 other aiyelala people to watch one movie that we could have bought in Campus One junction for ₦150 on a good day…abegi!!

Do u see the extortion?

You know its true and as Vals day approaches, guys are looking for ways to break up, girls are looking for ways to be nicer..

But if you’re one of the lucky few who are destined to have a great valentine’s day, then I am indeed happy for you. ( ˘˘̯)

For the rest of us (yes you included, don’t form, you’re part of this group).

We can still have a swell day even without a val, how? Not to worry…

See, I don’t think you should torture yourself by going to places where you are definitely going to come across all these love birds.

It makes no sense to wake up and then decide that you’re gonna go to the cinema all by yourself on such a day..

Why? When you can just stay home jejely and watch ur movie if PHCN allows u o..

Eateries are also out of it, you’ve been going to iya asisa’s place since o but because its vals day, you now decide to baff up and go to eat Chinese all by yourself!!

Omo bone! Go to iya asisa and order n eat your fill abi na full..rice, eba, assorted toh kwoliti and wash it down wella!!!

If you’re alone this val, don’t feel bad. Its ashualey a blezzin from God so that u can save money for your kid’s future academics etc.. (I hear plenty hisses…buhahaha)

Another dilemma is GIFTS! Girls often wonder what to get their guys, their minds don’t seem to go beyond Shirts, boxers, perfumes and cufflinks, as in ahn ahn?

What happened to X-box, Samsung 45” flat screen TV, iPads or a year subscription for our DSTV to enjoy the Premier league etc?

Seriously, we are tired of all the shirts, did I say I wanna start a boutique?

On my birthday-shirt!,


Wedding aso-ebi

Even Burial T shirt!!!

And when you buy me boxers and you have never seen me in them, what’s the use? How do you know that you’re buying the right size sef?

*side eye*

I don’t want again!

And guys, I know shopping for the ladies is always a task, not because we don’t know what to get but because the options are NUMEROUS!!

Here’s a tip: NEVER ask your lady what she wants.


She will tell you all she wants and as she continues, she remembers those Jimmy Choos she saw justina wearing and the Brazilian hair Ronaldo’s gf used…

You go just WRECK!!! Here are my sagely suggestions: Vals day is synonymous with Teddy Bears and flowers:

Do NOT buy any of these!!

Except you’re dating Miss Piggy and you wanna stylishly give her a gift that looks like her.

No Flowers!! Na 9ja we dey so, that ish doesn’t fly, I don’t care whether the flowers were freshly plucked from the edge of the Nile..

She wee use it to cook your next soup, just be looking!!!

So what then should you get her? Really though, I might not be in the right position to tell you that but I’m going to whether you like it or not, afterall its MY BLOG and you’ve patiently read this far so a lil’ more wee not kee you..

Ladies will always get gifts-they don’t need a special occasion! I think a lot of them are not so much crazy about what you get them (except it’s a LandRover 2 or HSE), Most just want you to spend your “currency of life” on them –TIME!

Whether you take her to the movies or a Togolese restaurant, it’s the TIME spent with her that she really craves, she will still shit the green slimy soup 5hrs later so WTH?

Guys whether na One Naira u spend or na One million, either you buy her designers or a new Ferrari ensure that she can look into your eyes and say

“Baby you’ve got me!”

I really shouldn’t be writing this cos I’m now getting emotional seeing as I’m going to sokpa on Vals day as always, I’ll probably be watching the Bundesliga or French ligue 1 friday night football on TV while y’all will be whipping up sheets and stuff… *boo hoo sob sob*

So guys, Happy Valentines day but remember..

This is just a day, remember to use PROTECTION O! And let the Love go round all year through and oh!

If you really think I’m gonna be alone this season, then ur brain needs to be checked by a dentist (go figure!)..

Its gonna be a wonderful threesome for me…hanging out with…ME , MYSELF & l…

Now to the haters and all those scanning for Gbagauns, if you actually think that your phraseology or parlance is at par with my lingo dexterity, then it is of plenary desideratum, inexorableness and extreme exigency that you unhesitatingly proceed for a cerebral appraisal…

In simple english: Get your head examined!

*Drops mic, sips coke… Walks away* NOW PLAYING : AYE by David’O